Encouraging the behaviours you want– some suggestions -5

Disapprove of the behaviour – not the child

It is OK to let children know when you disapprove of their behaviour. Approval and disapproval are compelling tools for shaping children’s behaviour.

Children must understand, however, that it is the behaviour – not them – that you don’t like.

There is a big difference. Rather than saying: I don’t like you because you tease Tom. You make me very cross; you are a mean boy.

It is better to say: I don’t like it when you tease Tom because he gets very upset and that means I will have to spend time with him and your dinner will be late.

Rather than saying: I don’t like you. You are a mean boy to pull the cat’s tail.
It is better to say: I get cross when you pull the cat’s tail. It is a mean thing to do because it hurts the cat.