Electronic media devices are useful for communication, education, and entertainment. For many parents, they are also tools for keeping the peace — a quick and reliable way to calm down a child who might otherwise be headed toward a meltdown. But is it a good idea to make frequent use of electronic media to help regulate a child’s emotions? Studies suggest otherwise.
Emotional regulation – the ability to manage and shape your emotional responses – is a crucial life skill, and it’s one that children begin developing at an early age. For example, by two years of age, many kids have learned that they can cope with negative emotions by distracting themselves with interesting, pleasant activities (e.g., Schoppmann et al 2019).
It’s is an important step on the road to emotional regulation. But what if kids are distracting themselves with electronic mobile devices? Is there a downside?
When researchers have examined the overall trend across studies, they’ve found a small, but statistically significant effect: The more time kids spend consuming electronic entertainment, the more likely they are to suffer from behavior problems, like aggression, anxiety, or ADHD (Eirich et al 2022). It’s a correlation, and not — by itself — evidence that screen time causes behavior problems. And given that the effect size is pretty modest, the correlation might not seem too worrying.
But keep in mind, this is the overall trend for screen time, without delving into the circumstances surrounding media use. What if a child is watching content that’s violent, or developmentally inappropriate? What if media use causes delayed bedtimes, or lost sleep? What if kids are spending so much time with electronic media that they are missing out on real, live social interactions? Or failing to keep up with their school work?
When these special circumstances apply, media use may be linked with more powerful, negative effects (Pagani et al 2023; Miller et al 2022; Carter et al 2016; Radesky and Christakis 2016). And we can add another special circumstance: Using media to soothe children who are feeling upset or restless. Yet even here, the evidence is nuanced. So let’s dive deeper. When are parents likely to try “screen time soothing”, and what makes researchers think this is a problematic tactic?
Many parents encourage the use of mobile devices – like tablets and smartphones – to help kids calm down. And in some situations, this might be the most practical option available. For instance, if you are cooped up with your child on a long car ride…or stuck on plane…or waiting for attention at the doctor’s office…you’ll likely be grateful for the distraction offered by electronic media.
It’s also easy to see how the parents of especially emotional children – kids who struggle a lot with negative feelings – might make greater use of mobile media devices. In one study, researchers surveyed 144 parents of young toddlers, and asked them about their reliance on mobile phones to soothe distress and keep things calm. Parents were much more likely to say they used phones this way if their children scored high for social-emotional difficulties (Radesky et al 2016).
But this brings up the whole question of the chicken and the egg. Are parents using “screen time soothing” because their kids are struggling with emotional problems? Or does this reliance on electronic media contribute emotional problems in the first place? And here we have some evidence to guide us. Although some parents are reacting to pre-existing problems, it’s also likely that screen time soothing – as a regular, go-to strategy – makes things worse. To see what I mean, consider how kids react to stressful situations.
Psychologists use the term “emotional reactivity” to describe how easily and intensely an individual responds to emotional triggers (Rothbart et al 1981). For example, a child who is highly reactive is more likely to become very angry or very anxious. And the hyper-reaction extends to the physiological stress response, as well – a racing heart, a spike in stress hormones, and so on.
While there is nothing intrinsically wrong with being very emotionally reactive, it puts a child at higher risk for various emotional symptoms and behavior problems — including emotional outbursts, anxiety, and aggression (e.g., Kalvin et al 2016). Is emotional reactivity a fixed trait – something you are simply born with, and can’t change? Although emotional reactivity is influenced by genetic effects (Hawn et al 2015), we know that environmental factors are also extremely important. And a recent study suggests that one of these factors – relying heavily on screen media to stay calm – could make some kids become more reactive over time.
Jenny Radesky and her colleagues interviewed the parents of more than 360 preschoolers, asking about their parenting practices, and about their children’s behavior patterns. Next, the researchers conducted two follow-ups – one after three months, and the other after six.
Were parents more likely to use “screen time soothing” if they had a child who was especially difficult or temperamental? Yes. Among children with “high temperamental surgency” – a tendency to be emotionally intense, highly active, and impulsive – those who displayed lots of emotional reactivity during the first follow-up were more likely to be using electronic mobile devices to calm themselves three months later.
But the reverse was also true. If hyperactive, impulsive kids were relying on screen time soothing at the first follow-up, they had a greater chance of being highly emotionally reactive at the second follow up.
And for the general population of boys, the connection between screen time soothing and emotional reactivity was mostly in the direction of heavy screen use preceding the worsening of behavior. Boys who were accustomed to using devices to calm down at the first follow-up had a higher chance of becoming more emotionally reactive at the second follow-up (Radesky et al 2023).
The most likely answer is that kids can become dependent on the external, technological fix, and fail to learn other ways to regulate their negative emotions.
Kids need to learn about their emotional responses. They need to find ways to talk about their feelings, rather than lash out. And they need to investigate an array of strategies for calming down – so they’ll have more than one solution when they are feeling distressed. They are going to encounter many situations in their lives – in school, on the playground, in the workplace – where they won’t have to option of using a phone or tablet to calm themselves down.
But if a child makes frequent use of screen time soothing, he or she may feel little motivation to develop these broader coping skills. On the contrary, the child may learn to associate electronic media with rapid relief and pleasure. Who wouldn’t want to keep coming back for more? And of course kids may simply miss out on opportunities to learn from everyday social interactions — because they’re spending so much time watching screens.
So children end up with a very limited ability to handle difficult emotions. In essence, their emotion regulation “tool box” contains a single trick: Soothe yourself with electronic entertainment devices. And this might lead to more trouble. What if kids come to feel that screen time soothing is the only way to fell better? What if kids start showing signs of dependency, and throw severe tantrums when they are asked to stop using electronic media?
That is the title of a recent study by Sarah Coyne and her colleagues, who wanted to know if a heavy reliance on screen time for emotional regulation puts kid at risk for what we might call a media use “addiction”. Do kids start demanding ever-greater access to electronic media? Does it seem that screen time is the only thing that can calm kids down? Do kids display “withdrawal” symptoms when we take screens away — becoming extremely upset?
Coyne’s team began by interviewing the parents of 269 toddlers (children around the age of 2.5 years) about their use screen time soothing, posing questions like these:
In addition, the researchers asked parents if they agree with statements like:
With this background information collected, the researchers moved onto a crucial test: An experimentally manipulated disappointment. Each toddler was told they could watch TV – an episode of a popular educational television show called Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood. But then, without warning — just 5 minutes into the program — the video presentation was abruptly terminated. The child didn’t get to finish the episode. Frustrating, for sure. But how, exactly, did kids react to this situation?
The researchers found that it depended, in part, on a child’s home life – on how often a child’s parents make use of digital soothing. In families where screen time soothing was used a lot, kids were more likely to “tantrum with extreme emotion” when the television clip suddenly ended (Coyne et al 2021).
Moreover, screen time soothing was also associated with more problematic media use. Kids accustomed to regulating their emotions with digital media were more likely want to increase their use of media over time. And parents were more likely to say that screen media seemed like the only thing capable of soothing their children (Coyne et al 2021).
As I noted in the introduction, young children can learn to regulate their emotions by engaging in fun activities, but the fun doesn’t have to come from electronic media. In my article, “How to distract a two-year old (to avoid an emotional meltdown)”, I explain how we can encourage kids to regulate their emotions by engaging in physical play — with toys. Little kids are influenced by the example we set. So if we show our children that we can successfully use toys to distract ourselves from boredom or frustration, our kids will likely adopt the same strategy.
When researchers have tracked young children over time, they’ve found that tantrums are connected with language. For instance, toddlers with fewer words in their vocabularies tend to have more frequent and more disregulated temper tantrums. And in one study “late talkers” were nearly twice as likely as other children to experience severe tantrums (Manning et al 2019).
This suggests that we can help children learn to cope with negative emotions by learning to label — and discuss — what is bothering them. Kids need to know that it’s okay to feel angry, or sad, or frustrated, and that we will listen and feel empathy for their distress. Once this understanding is in place, kids will be better positioned to learn safe, acceptable ways to deal with their emotions.
An “emotion coach” is aware of children’s feelings, and helps kids find the right words to express what they are experiencing. The coach stays calm, and talks with kids in ways that are supportive, non-judgmental, and constructive. You do your best to address what you think your child is feeling, but also show that you are open to being corrected (e.g., “You seem angry…”). And, as you get your child to communicate about his or her feelings, you can discuss strategies for coping or solving the problem.
When parents have been trained to do this – and to stop responding to kids in counterproductive ways (by yelling, displaying anger, or being dismissive) – their children experienced improvements in socio-emotional functioning. They showed evidence of being less stressed, too (e.g., Havighurst et al 2022). You can learn more about emotion coaching – and how to practice it – in my article, “Emotion coaching: Helping kids cope with negative feelings”.
When adults try to intervene during a tantrum, they usually fail to improve the situation, and often make it worse. This is true for threats of punishment and displays of parental anger. These can make the tantrum more intense or longer lasting! But it’s also true for comments we make that are intended to calm kids down. Sometimes our well-intentioned words simply inflame more anger. So experts recommend that you remain visibly calm, and (to the degree that it’s safe) act as if you are ignoring your child’s bad behavior (Sisterhen and Wy 2022).
If your child is lashing out in public space, you may need to move him or her to a private location. And you can’t hold back if your child is hurting other people – or causing self-harm. But if a child is, for example, just screaming and pounding the floor, your best bet is to model calmness and show your child that you aren’t going to interact while he or she is out of control with rage.
Every child is an individual, and different kids have different needs and preferences. Some find relief in boisterous, physical activity. Others may enjoy quiet games or crafts. And some children may respond especially well to certain sensory distractions.
In a press release for the University of Michigan, Dr. Jenny Radesky recommends that parents try out alternative ways to distract their children from restless or negative moods. Does your child respond well to hugging or being hugged? Does your child enjoy looking at a sparkle jar? Or squishing putty or clay in his or her hands? Or doing lots of intense, physical exercise? Pay attention to your child’s preferences, and help him or her discover strategies that work.
Screen time can impact more than a child’s ability to regulate emotions. It can also interfere with the development of early language skills — by displacing conversation time with adults — and it can have some worrying effects on sleep. To learn more, check out these Parenting Science articles:
Wondering what science tells us about the best ways to cope with difficult behavior? Take a look at my articles, “Positive parenting tips: Getting better results through humor, empathy, and diplomacy” and “Disruptive behavior problems: 12 evidence-based tips for handling aggression, defiance, and acting out.”
Carter B, Rees P, Hale L, Bhattacharjee D, Paradkar MS. 2016. Association Between Portable Screen-Based Media Device Access or Use and Sleep Outcomes: A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis. JAMA Pediatr. 170(12):1202-1208.
Coyne SM, Shawcroft J, Gale M, Gentile DA, Etherington JT, Holmgren H, Stockdale L. 2021. Tantrums, toddlers and technology: Temperament, media emotion regulation, and problematic media use in early childhood. Comput Human Behav. 120:106762.
Edwards MK, Rhodes RE, Loprinzi PD. 2017. A Randomized Control Intervention Investigating the Effects of Acute Exercise on Emotional Regulation. Am J Health Behav. 41(5):534-543
Havighurst SS, Kehoe CE, Harley AE, Radovini A, Thomas R. 2022. A randomized controlled trial of an emotion socialization parenting program and its impact on parenting, children’s behavior and parent and child stress cortisol: Tuning in to Toddlers. Behav Res Ther. 149:104016.
Hawn SE, Overstreet C, Stewart KE, Amstadter AB. 2015. Recent advances in the genetics of emotion regulation: a review. Curr Opin Psychol. 3:108-116.
Eirich R, McArthur BA, Anhorn C, McGuinness C, Christakis DA, Madigan S. 2022. Association of Screen Time With Internalizing and Externalizing Behavior Problems in Children 12 Years or Younger: A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis. JAMA Psychiatry. 79(5):393-405.
Kalvin CB, Bierman KL, Gatzke-Kopp LM. 2016. Emotional Reactivity, Behavior Problems, and Social Adjustment at School Entry in a High-risk Sample. J Abnorm Child Psychol. 44(8):1527-1541.
Manning BL, Roberts MY, Estabrook R, Petitclerc A, Burns JL, Briggs-Gowan M, Wakschlag LS, Norton ES. 2019. Relations Between Toddler Expressive Language and Temper Tantrums in a Community Sample. J Appl Dev Psychol. 65:101070.
Miller EB, Canfield CF, Wippick H, Shaw DS, Morris PA, Mendelsohn AL. 2022. Predictors of television at bedtime and associations with toddler sleep and behavior in a medicaid-eligible, racial/ethnic minority sample. Infant Behav Dev. 67:101707.
Pagani LS, Bernard J and Fitzpatrick C. 2023. Prospective Associations Between Preschool Exposure to Violent Televiewing and Psychosocial and Academic Risks in Early Adolescent Boys and Girls. J Dev Behav Pediatr. 44(1):e1-e11.
Radesky JS and Christakis DA. 2016. Increased Screen Time: Implications for Early Childhood Development and Behavior. Pediatr Clin North Am. 63(5):827-39.
Radesky JS, Kaciroti N, Weeks HM, Schaller A, and Miller AL. 2023. Longitudinal Associations Between Use of Mobile Devices for Calming and Emotional Reactivity and Executive Functioning in Children Aged 3 to 5 Years. JAMA Pediatr.177(1):62-70.
Radesky JS, Peacock-Chambers E, Zuckerman B, and Silverstein M. 2016. Use of mobile technology to calm upset children: Associations with social-emotional development. JAMA Pediatrics 170(4), 397–399.
Rothbart MK, Derryberry D. Development of individual differences in temperament. Adv Dev Psychol. 1981;1: 37–86.
Schoppmann J, Schneider S, Seehagen S. 2022. Can you teach me not to be angry? Relations between temperament and the emotion regulation strategy distraction in 2-year-olds. Child Dev 93(1):165-179.
Schoppmann J, Schneider S, Seehagen S. 2019. Wait and See: Observational Learning of Distraction as an Emotion Regulation Strategy in 22-Month-Old Toddlers. J Abnorm Child Psychol. 47(5):851-863.
Sisterhen LL and Wy PAW. 2022. Temper Tantrums. [Updated 2022 Aug 22]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2022 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK544286/
Content last modified 1/2023
image credits
Coyne SM, Shawcroft J, Gale M, Gentile DA, Etherington JT, Holmgren H, Stockdale L. 2021. Tantrums, toddlers and technology: Temperament, media emotion regulation, and problematic media use in early childhood. Comput Human Behav. 120:106762.
Edwards MK, Rhodes RE, Loprinzi PD. 2017. A Randomized Control Intervention Investigating the Effects of Acute Exercise on Emotional Regulation. Am J Health Behav. 41(5):534-543
Eirich R, McArthur BA, Anhorn C, McGuinness C, Christakis DA, Madigan S. 2022. Association of Screen Time With Internalizing and Externalizing Behavior Problems in Children 12 Years or Younger: A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis. JAMA Psychiatry. 79(5):393-405.
Havighurst SS, Kehoe CE, Harley AE, Radovini A, Thomas R. 2022. A randomized controlled trial of an emotion socialization parenting program and its impact on parenting, children’s behavior and parent and child stress cortisol: Tuning in to Toddlers. Behav Res Ther. 149:104016.
Hawn SE, Overstreet C, Stewart KE, Amstadter AB. 2015. Recent advances in the genetics of emotion regulation: a review. Curr Opin Psychol. 3:108-116.
Kalvin CB, Bierman KL, Gatzke-Kopp LM. 2016. Emotional Reactivity, Behavior Problems, and Social Adjustment at School Entry in a High-risk Sample. J Abnorm Child Psychol. 44(8):1527-1541.
Manning BL, Roberts MY, Estabrook R, Petitclerc A, Burns JL, Briggs-Gowan M, Wakschlag LS, Norton ES. 2019. Relations Between Toddler Expressive Language and Temper Tantrums in a Community Sample. J Appl Dev Psychol. 65:101070.
Radesky JS, Kaciroti N, Weeks HM, Schaller A, and Miller AL. 2023. Longitudinal Associations Between Use of Mobile Devices for Calming and Emotional Reactivity and Executive Functioning in Children Aged 3 to 5 Years. JAMA Pediatr.177(1):62-70.
Radesky JS, Peacock-Chambers E, Zuckerman B, and Silverstein M. 2016. Use of mobile technology to calm upset children: Associations with social-emotional development. JAMA Pediatrics 170(4), 397–399.
Rothbart MK, Derryberry D. Development of individual differences in temperament. Adv Dev Psychol. 1981;1: 37–86.
Schoppmann J, Schneider S, Seehagen S. 2022. Can you teach me not to be angry? Relations between temperament and the emotion regulation strategy distraction in 2-year-olds. Child Dev 93(1):165-179.
Schoppmann J, Schneider S, Seehagen S. 2019. Wait and See: Observational Learning of Distraction as an Emotion Regulation Strategy in 22-Month-Old Toddlers. J Abnorm Child Psychol. 47(5):851-863.
Sisterhen LL and Wy PAW. 2022. Temper Tantrums. [Updated 2022 Aug 22]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2022 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK544286/
Content last modified 1/2023
title image of father holding distressed infant watching television by Lopolo / shutterstock
image of young boy holding tablet and shouting by NadyaEugene / shutterstock
